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Monday, January 30, 2006

Who would you be?

George Canyon. A Canadian man. Competed at Nashville Star a couple years ago, and was one of two semi-finalists. Great singer from Nova Scotia, Canada. Canyon isn't his real last name, but an agent said it suited him.

With that deep voice, it sure does. He's got one song that really makes me smile and think, by the above title. Who would I be if I could be anyone in this world?

Well, sure, I'd like to be Elvis shaking up Memphis and making the young girls scream. And I'd love to be Martin Luther King Jr. changing the world with just a speech. Or John Lennon bringing hope with just a song. I'd be a cowboy like John Wayne, too. But who would you be?

On second thought, I like ME. Why not be all of that in me ? I am a cowboy, in my mind anyways. No, not as in the old west, or even as those still down south with their ATV's and trucks and helicopters. But in the attitude, definitely.

Let freedom reign. I can never hear or see that speech of Martin Luther King Jr.'s without breaking down in tears. Do I change the world with my words, not likely, but do I make others smile and think, I hope so. And a smile does wonders for the soul, so maybe I do bring a bit of hope and sunshine.

I don't make the young girls scream unless you count the times when Hailey has a sleep over and I scare them. Can I bring truth with just a speech? Not unless you count the times I sit with my son and show him the problems that arise when we don't tell the truth and how lying gets you into corners you don't want to be in. Do I bring peace with just a song? Not at the level John Lennon did, that's for sure. But when my two kidlets are fighting in the back seat and I turn up the music really loud and sing along and Colton stops fighting because he can't help but sing along, and it makes Hailey smile because she loves to hear her Daddy singin', well then on a small scale, my work has been done.

So maybe it's just how he ends it. I'd be a father to make my young kids proud. I'd earn every word on that coffee cup that says "world's greatest dad". Because I can think of no better job or person in this whole world than being a father to my two kidlets. I have them this weekend for the whole weekend. It's these days that I long for all week. It's these weekends that make the whole two weeks worth gettin' through. It's those hours spent cuddling on the couch with my arms wrapped around them, reading or watching TV that I miss the next two weeks. I may not be the world's greatest Dad, but in their eyes? I am, and that's all I need.

I love being a Daddy. I did from the moment I first held my little girl in my arms. When she was colicky, I walked for hours with her, patiently singing and talking to her.

When she was sick with croup, I'd sit by her bedside singing to her as the kettle and vaporizer steamed away, rubbing the Vicks on her chest. When she had the chicken pox, I'd sit there putting that sticky pink stuff that I can't remember the name of on her itchy spots. (I remembered its camomile, right?)

I love being a Daddy, though with my son it took a warning from the Ex when he was three and a half to wake me up. Little boys need cuddles and hugs and kisses too. I have made up for those first couple of years. Not that I didn't do those things when he was a baby, but once he was motoring around, I bought into that stereotype, boys gotta be tough.

Yes and no, they do have to be tough, cuz there is a whole nasty big ol' world out there ready to take a piece out of any of us. But they still need to feel a father's love.

I love how his eyes light up when he's singing, how he needs a hug when we say goodbye and runs back for one more because he misses me so much. I love how we have little rituals for things like saying goodnight when he was a little guy and now how we say it when he calls to say goodnight. "hanging up in 3, 2, 1" (I say two) then we say, "goodnight, I love you, mwah, teeheehee, bye"

You can't see the tears rolling down my cheeks right now, but they are there. I love being a daddy. I think, a little bit that, it may have been one more piece of the puzzle as to what came between the Ex and I. I placed them above all else, even her. I find myself still doing that. Above anyone else in my life, even me or others dear to me. And you know what, that's not something I really can change. Others say, that maybe it shouldn't be so, because eventually they'll grow up and move on and I'll be left all alone (just read Wanda's post and she says it's happened to her). Maybe it will for me too, but for these few years I have left with them as children, isn't it worth it? To show them such unconditional and undying love, even above myself? Because that's really what it comes down to, it's not above the significant other so much as above myself, because, then if I lose that other, I am doing myself out of that love. You can't go back in ten years and say to your kids, gee I wish I would have done this or that for you. Do it now, because in ten years, I'll only be in my 50's and still be able to deal with my life and what I want or need in it, but I won't be able to re-live those years or the relationship with my children, I'll be dealing with young adults. So, I think, I'll be a father, and earn every word on that coffee cup, that says World's Greatest Dad. That's who I'll be.

Great post and great pic, Joe! I love being a Daddy, too. It's a pretty cool gig.
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