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Friday, June 22, 2007

"Why Don't You Just Adopt?"

A common question asked of those struggling with infertility. But not everyone is eligible to adopt - due to lifestyle, health problems, age.

Who Can Adopt?

China's latest restrictions on who can adopt:
1. No one on antidepressants
2. No one making under 80K a year
3. No one obese
4. No one older than 50
5. No single parents

A baby is not guaranteed, my step-brother and his wife went through 3 failed adoptions before they received their son. After many miscarriages, stillbirths, failed IVFs, moving on to adoption can be more than a couple, or single parent, can handle emotionally.

Adoption can be beyond a person's financial means. Adoption often costs MORE than IVF.

Some really want to raise a child from infancy, and there are not many newborns available. Here in Ontario, it can mean a wait of 5-8 years! There can be the fear that the birth parents will want the baby back. There can be concern about the kind of prenatal care the mother received. Did she drink or smoke?

There can be a great deal of grief at giving up your dream of how your family would become, before people are ready to move on to adoption. It's not just, well that didn't work, let's adopt!

Adoption is incredibly difficult and extremely invasive. Some can't deal with the invasion of their life, their home, their morals, their beliefs - to prove themselves fit parents when others can get pregnant easily, without thought, and without "permission".

"And it's not like you just pop back to being just like the fertile couple once you bring your child home. There are life long issues with adoption. Adoption is hard and it is not the right choice for everyone. How a couple chooses to build their family is a very personal decision. When the traditional option for family building is ripped away from you and all the other options are riddled with scarring difficulties, you quickly realize that you had no idea what infertility was like and that it is not as simple as "Why don't you just adopt."

From: You Can Get Pregnant in Your 40's
Sharing articles I find, discussing options you might consider & suggesting what might help. Each person is different, what works for one might really mess up another. So what you do with this info is entirely up to you! A Zen thought: A true expert is not the one with the most knowledge, but one who causes the most others to have knowledge. Questions, subject ideas to research & suggestions welcome!

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